I’m sure everyone by now has heard the infamous phone conversation Vincent Ferrari had with AOL when he tried to cancel his service with them.  This morning my husband had to cancel our Comcast internet service because we recently got Verizon FiOS. We are keeping our TV service with them, though, because it is less expensive, and we use their basic cable feed to run our BeyondTV system.  If you are well prepared, as he was, you can make sure your call doesn’t drag on endlessly. Here are some examples you can use when trying to shorten your service-canceling phone calls:

1. When they say, “Why exactly would you like to cancel your service?”  You should respond with: “Because I don’t use it.”  I know this sounds simple, and it is. But it works. If you give them any other reason, they will try to counter with a reason that you should stay with them. Bill too high?  They’ll lower it.  Customer service too poor?  They’ll give you a few free months.  Changing service providers?  They’ll bump you up to better service as well as lowering your bill.   However, if you simply tell them that you don’t use the service, and you’re paying for nothing, none of those arguments will work.  That answer stops them dead in their tracks.

2. When they say, “You’re only on the basic TV plan, which has limited channels, and we can offer you digital cable with over 100 more channels for the same price you are paying now for the next six months…”  You should quickly and abruptly cut them off, saying, “No, I only need the basic channels. The other channels are evil.”  Now this one is a doozy.  What could someone possibly say in response to that?  What rational person would think that the higher tier channels are inherently more evil that the rest?  I mean, we still get Fox News, E!, and Nickelodeon.  Are Discovery Science and Lifetime Movie Network more evil in some way?  All I know is that she ceased asking him to upgrade as soon as he said it.

3. If they try to upsell you by saying, “Now, how many TV’s do you have in your home? Because we can offer you…”  You again need to cut them off, and say, “Only one TV allowed in my home, ma’am.”  At this point the representative will lose all hope of selling you things or changing your mind in any way.  Clearly she’s dealing with a crazy man.  A nutcase.  And she will decide to simply cancel your service as quickly as possible and end the call.

How to cancel Comcast in 2 minutes or less
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