American Diabetes Association, I’m talking to you.

When I was 19, and feeling virtuous, I decided to donate $50 to you. I had a friend with diabetes, and he had recently lost his vision due to diabetic retinopathy. I felt for him, and I realized for the first time what a horrible condition diabetes really is. So I took half of my weekly earnings from my shitty part-time mall job, and I gave it to you. I did this in the hopes that my $50 would go towards some sort of research. Looking back over the dozen years I have lived since that donation, I have to feel that my donation went to no such thing.

Why? Because yesterday I received a plea from you to donate more. This plea included a ream of Christmas themed address labels bursting with every color ink, shimmering with gold foil, littered with smiling snowmen, wintry snowscapes, and stacks of gifts. Oh, an added bonus! You gave me 3 gift labels to use! How convenient!

If these high-quality, high-priced stickers were branded “ADA” and “Help Fight Diabetes” and “Check Your Blood Sugar Today!” I might not be sitting here writing this post. But, alas, these labels are unbranded. I could use them (if I still had my maiden name that is) and no one would know what a generous gift the American Diabetes Association has given me.

Now this is where I start to get really insulted. The front of the envelope has a note that says “This nickel can make a difference in the search for a cure.” and it has an arrow that points at a shiny nickel through the cellophane. Really? (head tilt) Really?

I made one donation to you, a dozen years ago, and you are now sending me money?! This is downright unbelievable. If the nickel can make a difference, why the fuck did you send it to me? Okay, so it’s only a nickel, but how many nickels did you send out? How much did those address labels cost? How about when you add up the cost of all 700 address labels I have received from you over the last dozen years? Now take that number, and multiply it by the total number of saps foolish enough to think that their donation would go towards research. What’s that number? I’ll tell you what it is. It’s approximately the cost to find a fucking cure for fucking diabetes you pieces of shit.

Here’s an idea: Stop advertising your organization this way. Stop sending me useless but expensive junk mail. For fuck’s sake stop sending me money! Not only will I never give another nickel to you, I probably won’t give a nickel to any cause, ever. Because they’re really all just like you. Bloated, money wasting, over hyped, and useless.

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