Today I Am A Mother

Technically I was a mother yesterday, but I’m still one today. I’ll be one tomorrow, too, come to think of it.

The cesarean was easily the scariest experience of my life. I have a severe needle phobia, and the spinal block was awful. I had a panic attack, I couldn’t stop screaming, and the poor anesthesiologist had to reinsert the needle probably 10 or 12 times. I was crying so hard I got heaves, and my heaving made it difficult to keep still. I was so terrified, that every time I felt the slightest amount of (admittedly mild) pain, I would scream and cringe, shrugging and hunching my shoulders, and ruining all of the work that he had done. It was traumatic, but more than that it was embarrassing. I knew I was making a big deal out of nothing. And my poor husband was in the hallway, just outside the operating room, listening to me scream for almost 20 minutes.

However, once that was all done with they brought him in. He sat next to me, and within 5 minutes Sagan was out of me and into the world. She was purple, which they said is normal. They took

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Scheduling A Birth

Scheduling a birth is a very strange thing. I know exactly when my baby will be born. I know the date, I know the approximate time, and I can plan my schedule accordingly. While it’s extraordinarily convenient, it somehow just doesn’t seem right.

For example, 2 weeks ago I was able to schedule 2.5 weeks for our business to be closed. When customers called, I could say “The last day we’ll be working will be April 2, and then we’ll be closed until April 22 because we’re having a baby.”

Today, when I talk about tomorrow I can say, “We’ll go get gas in the car, stop at the post office to mail out our taxes, and we’ll go to the bank. Then we’ll go have a baby.”

How weird is that?

Since I know the birth is tomorrow, around 2:30, I can truly decide how I’d like to spend my last days. Last night my husband and I went out for a nice dinner. The last dinner we’ll have in a restaurant without spaghetti on the walls for quite some time, I imagine. I started with crab dip, he got bean soup. Then I got salmon with spinach and

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