I walked into the laundry room and saw a huge spider. Mega spider. The sort of spider an arachnophobe dreads finding in her home. I yelled for my husband, also an arachnophobe.

“I’ve got a spider I need you to kill, and you’re not going to like the look of it!”

He saw it, shuddered, and found something to kill it with. It was in an awkward spot, perched high up in the corner behind the washing machine. I left the room, because if there’s anything worse than seeing a giant spider in my laundry room it’s seeing a giant spider move in my laundry room.

I’m safely out of the room, playing with the baby, when I hear, “Whoa! The fucker jumped at me!” This is totally not what I wanted to hear, and I said as much.

“Well, he’s gone,” says my husband.

“Gone?” I query. I’m completely unsatisfied with this.

“He jumped at me, and then dropped behind the washing machine. I’m not going to pull the washer out to hunt for the spider. He probably crawled into a dark crevice. I’m sure you’ll never see him again.”

I’ll spare you the whining and sniveling that came

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Today I Am A Mother

Technically I was a mother yesterday, but I’m still one today. I’ll be one tomorrow, too, come to think of it.

The cesarean was easily the scariest experience of my life. I have a severe needle phobia, and the spinal block was awful. I had a panic attack, I couldn’t stop screaming, and the poor anesthesiologist had to reinsert the needle probably 10 or 12 times. I was crying so hard I got heaves, and my heaving made it difficult to keep still. I was so terrified, that every time I felt the slightest amount of (admittedly mild) pain, I would scream and cringe, shrugging and hunching my shoulders, and ruining all of the work that he had done. It was traumatic, but more than that it was embarrassing. I knew I was making a big deal out of nothing. And my poor husband was in the hallway, just outside the operating room, listening to me scream for almost 20 minutes.

However, once that was all done with they brought him in. He sat next to me, and within 5 minutes Sagan was out of me and into the world. She was purple, which they said is normal. They took

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